As seen on AskReddit. He slapped my ass while I was mid thrust. I got hammered while I was out drinking with buddies, and decided that I was getting laid that night. I did what any not-at-all-self-respecting forever alone would have done — I hit Craigslist. My best option was a hail mary on the general romance section. She responded back immediately with her phone number, and from the moment she started speaking I knew that she was a mess.